Relocation

So I've more or less relocated to tumblr: http://bushyloft.tumblr.com/

I'll still post here from time to time.

I guess I'll do a short post now. I'm very tired. I spent sunday morning in the hospital in morningside heights after being carried out of a columbia dorm on a stretcher. food poisoning. and my heart rate was twice what it is supposed to be, so they thought i was about to have a heart attack. they kept giving me fluids and benzos and shit but i really just wanted to go home so i checked myself out and went home. today is the first day i feel almost 100 percent better. oh, new york, why do you only deal me drama lately?

Pomegranate my ass!

Smirnoff Pomegranate Twists SUCK ASS. I just turned 21 at midnight and I celebrated with a 6 pack and I can't even finish the second one. It is CHERRY FUCKIN' COUGH MEDICINE. I don't taste pomegranate. And I found out each one has the calorie contents of like, a rather fulfilling meal.

So yeah, I'm 21.... can't wait to celebrate it with my best friend Mike on Saturday. It's going to be awesome. My first trip back to NYC in a tiny tiny bit over 3 months. That's insane. I've never gone that long without NYC since... August 2005. Actually no, I believe I wasn't allowed to travel back to NYC after that August... so I guess it was January 2006, when I first moved to the city.

The biggest drawback of drinking is definitely the need to pee every 5 minutes.

Division

I hear your songs in waves through nightmares
Made to touch me, your words have improved.
I wish we could be just friends but make love through art--
My breath on your music, your dick in my prose.

I took all the drugs, wrote poetry about you and daddy issues
While dreaming to Joy Division, nostalgic for something I never even had.
Love will tear us apart, again...
Could there be truth in that, my dear?

You know me, though I've made it a fact to change
To disguise myself from you
I'm the wolf dressed as a sheep, as a grandma, as your worst enemy.
Baby don't let love tear us apart.

Please don't let love tear us apart, this time.
I don't want any lover, I just want your company.
I think of you every day.
But that doesn't mean enough, does it?

Our history won't allow us to be platonic.
Too much love made in ghost cars to Sonic Youth.
We were a hot mess, you and I.
It seems like now we don't have a choice, for awhile.

We have a long way to go
Our separate ways are the hardest ways
I'm getting stronger for you, in the future Marty.
I hope you are doing the same.

Please don't let love tear us apart.

I got a few more years of playing
Louise Brooks with a coke nose
You got a few more years of playing
Brad Pitt with a guitar.

It'll all be over soon.
One day we'll get high on scales and rhymes.
You know I'll always love and despise you,
As soulmates often do.

Love will tear us a new one
Again.

Yay

Your result for The Fashion Icon or Fashion Freak Test...

The Artsy Soul

You scored 24 points out of 40 on Wacky and 33 points out of 52 on Tasteful! Well done!

Nor Fashion Icon, nor Fashion Freak.

Well done! You scored high on Tastefulness! Indeed, that's a nice result, since this test wasn't the easiest one for sure. You have a well developed sense for fashion and stylish garment. Either you're interested in fashion trends or it's a natural thing, because most of your answers were surprisingly accurate. There's some room for improvements though.

You also scored high on Wacky, which allows me to assume that you're a creative and stylish person with a distinctive taste for clothing or The Artsy Soul! I'd guess that there's no place for black on the list of your favourite colours, right? You're way more likely to be seen wearing something bright, original and striking. You know your limits though, and you would never let yourself go beyond them, which means that there's no risk of turning into a Fashion Disaster.

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Take The Fashion Icon or Fashion Freak Test at HelloQuizzy

Things I Love

Guava shisha. There's this place right off Tompkin Square Park that has decently priced hookahs and they have guava shisha. The best part is that they also have really fresh, authentic guava juice. Pairing the guava juice with the guava shisha was one of the best decisions I've made in my life. Sad? Perhaps.


Devendra Banhart's music has the power to make me cry. It also has the power to motivate me more than nearly anything else. I live on top of a huge hill, and I mean like a gigantic, steep, scary, extremely long hill (actually it is a mountain), and recently I decided to go walking down, then back up, the hill after months of sitting on my ass doing nothing. I listened to Devendra Banhart on my iPod, and I swear it gave me the strength to keep going when I seriously thought I was having a heart attack. Plus he just has one of the most beautiful auras about him... he seems to have a beautiful spirit.

Buenos Aires. I've never been (haven't been out of the country besides an hour spent in Canada), but if I had the financial means, you can bet I'd be on the next plane there. Argentina fascinates me. I wish all neighborhoods had such brightly colored buildings.


Mascara on bottom lashes. You can do a lot of cool things with it, such as only putting mascara on the bottom lashes and leaving the rest of the eye bare, or using white eyeliner to line the whole eye, then using black mascara on the bottom and top lashes (I did this for a futuristic themed New Year's Eve party).





The Spring 2009 line from Jeremy Scott called "Let Them Eat Gas" is spectacular. It's just really fucking cool. And that's all I have to say about that, in the words of the great Forrest Gump.



Copenhagen, Denmark is one of those places that I'm scared to visit because I think I might never want to come back. It's so gorgeous and seems quite happening.
~*~
On other notes:

Another sleepless night. Another 48 hours of not wanting anything more than a paying job so I can get back to NYC.



Above, you see the view from Astoria Park in Queens. It still ranks as one of my favorite places in the world. That used to be practically my backyard. I miss Astoria more than most people know. It was probably the first place I ever fell head over heels in love with. I mean, the East Village means a lot to me because it was the first place I lived in NYC, because of my dorm room, but it wasn't the same as Astoria... it was the first place I ever had my own apartment, the first place I had to pay rent on... I took so much pride in the neighborhood, even if the apartment was seriously the biggest piece of shit you could think of (especially considering how every August it would, literally, flood with shit, as in fecal material). Rent is so high there now, I don't think I'll be able to return til quite some time, and I think it'll never be the same... for many reasons.

Sometimes sleep deprivation can be far more trippy than most drugs. Sometimes I wonder if it is my favorite drug. Sometimes I think I might be addicted. Feeling woozy for a few days, beginning to see things, thinking loopy, completely out of the ordinary, but for me, lately, some of my most insightful moments... and it's free, free of monetary charge.... watching the sun come up, watching it set... and then crashing, when you finally go to bed, and it feels like it has been years, and then you sleep for an entire day, and wake up feeling reborn, yet almost hungover from sleep, so you have a cup of coffee to fight the headache and the cycle starts all over again. I hate to say it, but I love it. When I get a job, I know I'll have to stop, or at least cut back on the sleep deprivation. But it'll be worth it to have the maaaney so I can get back to my city.

**I do not own any of the photos above**

City Girl vs Country Gal

I've been single now for quite awhile, and since the economy has left me unemployed at the same time, I have a lot of free time to think and examine myself. Considering nearly the entirety of my identity was previously based on being in a serious relationship, I've had to start from near scratch just trying to figure out who the hell I am, and learn to love whatever that may be.
Well, I'm doing a great job with that. I'm very confident these days, and I love being single. In the course of "figuring out who I am" there's been one topic in particular that is really difficult for me to sort out.
Am I a city person or a country/suburb person? Considering I don't drive, it is obvious that being in the city gives me a lot of freedom. Getting a license though wouldn't be hard for me, as I know how to drive and just need to learn how to park really. So I've forced myself to not consider the driving issue here, to imagine living in the country/suburbs and being able to drive. When I lived in the city before, I was very flawed in my behavior. I'd get bad anxiety and not leave the apartment for days, sometimes weeks. I feel like living out here in CT, as I am right now, has given me so much fresh air and time to work on those issues that gave me anxiety, and to build up my confidence. It is hard to be confident when you are just a shell of a person, and I'd like to think that I've really filled in that shell since my last trip to the city.
I don't know. I think I know deep down I've always been a city person, and though I've come to appreciate the beauty of CT and New England, it just isn't for me. I love hiking and being in the woods, but I prefer to walk around for hours in a park and then get out and walk to a coffeeshop or a delicious pizza place and grab a slice, to not feel obligated to wave to people, to be able to blend in or stand out depending on the situation or mood I'm in. I don't really have that option here. I stand out even when I pretend to be suburban and dress in American Eagle and put my hair in a ponytail.
The problem is that being here for so long has led me to meet amazing people. I don't view my stay here as permanent, even when I try to. I promised myself I would not compromise anything of value to me for a relationship ever again, and I'm afraid that a lot of amazing people here in CT that could be potential lovers hate the city. The problem with CT is that most of the artistic, creative people here are very into nature and quiet or being able to stand out easily. I LOVE nature, really, I do, but I appreciate it most when it's a small park surrounded by tall skyscrapers. When it's special. My favorite thing when I was a kid was hiding under a blanket inside by the window on a rainy day. I felt a sense of being protected, comforted, sheltered. To me, that's what urban parks are. You can see the city, hear it, and it's banging on the window and setting the mood, but it can't get in.
I'm really afraid of meeting someone here and falling in love and convincing myself that I'm some country or suburban girl. I need to focus on getting myself back to the city. It's important to me. And I know that once I get there, I will just bitch and moan about it, but I think that in a way that's a kind of similar trait among New Yorkers... like you bitch about parking or you bitch about the subways or some homeless dude that pooped on the platform next to you, but really you love your city and it means a lot to you, and all the annoyances, big and small, really add character to the city. I need to get back. I need to focus on that.

Some Pictures

Mike with his crazy sexxxy yamaka.
We found a guru who taught us how to party and looked up to the Gods and Goddesses and said "let there be fun".
The guru then told me that cannibalism was the way to go, so he turned me into a giant and I ate this unfortunate woman.
All that human flesh turned me into a hipster the next afternoon.
I wanted to become a guru too. This is my best guru face with guru come hither bedroom eyes.
The guru taught us how to get high off crayolas. Feel the burn.
The crayolas left me wanting more art in my system, so I decided to get drunk off this magical paint shit. Rock on?
The guru turned into Mike and he started blowing into this weird foreign toy musical instrument that was magikal and brought us all good luck and large breasts.
I think this was the first picture of the sleepovah. Here I am, looking a little too crazy and sober for Newtown.
This sexxxy guru claims that the bird in this picture was accidental. LIES.
This is my new boyfriend Frederico Suave Bernando Perez Gonzalez. He's too big for the locket, no?
I started to get pretty weird and make faces like I was up to something. Sure enough, I was. Everyone woke up to the eggs hidden around the house, a dead Easter bunny, and their fingers in glasses of water. This is why I don't get invited out more often.