25 Things You Always Wanted to Know about Me (AKA I'm bored and trying to stay awake):
1. I am an extremely heavy sleeper and have trouble waking up to alarms. Or anything really... please don't draw on me...
2. I have a secret love for theater, and the performing arts in general.
3. My biggest desire in life is to be a creative muse and try to enjoy family and art and love and all life has to offer.
4. I got a pretty scarily high SAT score. I also got into colleges you probably wouldn't think I got into.
5. I'm a vegetarian but I eat meat when I crave it or when I'm so poor I have to eat off the dollar menu or something. My favorite meat is pepperoni.
6. I once had an allergic reaction to morphine in the hospital and my fever got up to 106.3 or something crazy and I was completely out of it. Like no drug ever could capture that sort of delusional realm.
7. I have a poor immune system but I think it's getting better after living in NYC.
8. I no longer want to move back to NYC. I want to stay in CT for awhile and sort things out.
9. My favorite mode of transportation is train.
10. I recently developed an obsession with the Strokes, the Beatles, "Layla" by Eric Clapton, Patti Boyd (the most beautiful muse ever), and the song "Get Me Away From Here I'm Dying" by Belle & Sebastian.
11. I secretly want to get a Doctorate degree. Not sure in what yet. I don't like to think about it in case I can't afford it.
12. I dropped out of college despite having an awesome GPA to wait til I can pay for it myself and not depend on other people.
13. I sometimes wonder if I will always be attracted to musicians. I think it may be starting to fade, but I've really never known anything else, as someone pointed out, and it is weird to think of a boyfriend who doesn't know a thing about music. And the ugliest dude could pick up a guitar, learn a pretty song, and get laid. It just makes people hotter. I think this is really just vain immaturity though. I will probably grow out of it, in fact probably pretty soon.
14. I miss working with kids.
15. Top 2 Hottest Celebrity Men Ever Right Now: Julian Casablancas (singer from the Strokes) and Ed Westwick (Chuck Bass, Gossip Girl). That guy from Across the Universe is hot too.
16. I secretly wish I was a musician but I just don't got it in me.
17. I have really bad anxiety but I don't show it too often anymore.
18. I believe a lot in astrology. Or at least I find it eerie.
19. I always wanted school uniforms as a kid. Wanted to go to Catholic school. Church. Take private lessons. I was a goody2shoes.
20. I sometimes twitch and act like I'm very sick to get a seat by myself on trains and subways. And buses. Especially buses. I love those single seats.
21. I'll probably remember your shoe size if you told me 5 years ago but I won't remember the last time we hung out or what I ate for breakfast.
22. I have surprisingly high self esteem, really. Which is weird because I had the worst self esteem until like... I don't know when it changed. Relatively recently. I am quietly cocky.
23. I really want to learn how to be more social. I suck at talking.
24. I'm scared of rodents. Like, really, really scared of rodents.
25. I rode an elephant a few times and a llama and a camel.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Get Me Away From Here I'm Dying
The title refers to an awesome Belle & Sebastian song. I'm not being emo, haha.
I'm up, 5AM.
I lost my job.
A lot of shit went down this week.
I had to throw away a lot of my possessions.
I'm broke.
I realized I have some awesome friends.
I realized that certain people are toxic for me right now.
I'm sober, and committed to sobriety for at least a month. I'm already noticing an improvement. My interest is peaked in a variety of topics, I'm more social (this one surprised me), I want to read, write, and be more creative.
I realized that I think I probably have a lot of issues. I am looking to religion since I can't afford counseling, and it makes me happy.
I prayed today to the sound of church bells and read a passage from the Bible about possessions not mattering as I threw away about 30 garbage bags of stuff and almost all my furniture and I prayed and asked for help and then I felt like I should turn on the radio, and I did, didn't even change the station, and "You Look Wonderful Tonight" was followed by "Layla" (both songs inspired by my idol Patti Boyd). I had the biggest smile on my face. Then I put on Molly & Ashley's Mix CDs and got more of a laugh.
I decided to become sober because I think I've only changed for the worst for the most part since high school, and I'm unhappy with myself. I need a change, some guidance. Reading old LiveJournal post led me to this discovery.
I'm working through it. I'm going to fix myself up. I need to.
I'm up, 5AM.
I lost my job.
A lot of shit went down this week.
I had to throw away a lot of my possessions.
I'm broke.
I realized I have some awesome friends.
I realized that certain people are toxic for me right now.
I'm sober, and committed to sobriety for at least a month. I'm already noticing an improvement. My interest is peaked in a variety of topics, I'm more social (this one surprised me), I want to read, write, and be more creative.
I realized that I think I probably have a lot of issues. I am looking to religion since I can't afford counseling, and it makes me happy.
I prayed today to the sound of church bells and read a passage from the Bible about possessions not mattering as I threw away about 30 garbage bags of stuff and almost all my furniture and I prayed and asked for help and then I felt like I should turn on the radio, and I did, didn't even change the station, and "You Look Wonderful Tonight" was followed by "Layla" (both songs inspired by my idol Patti Boyd). I had the biggest smile on my face. Then I put on Molly & Ashley's Mix CDs and got more of a laugh.
I decided to become sober because I think I've only changed for the worst for the most part since high school, and I'm unhappy with myself. I need a change, some guidance. Reading old LiveJournal post led me to this discovery.
I'm working through it. I'm going to fix myself up. I need to.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Fatigued, thinking.
So things are definitely weird lately. I feel depressed and am totally failing at life. i read over a bunch of old livejournal entries and i feel as if i've really gone nowhere fast. i miss high school, things were a lot better then and i never thought i'd ever think that.
it's amazing how much i cant handle real life.
i get frustrated with my feelings and how i sometimes fall hard and quick, both in and out of love.
i hate not knowing what to say.
I think I'll look back on my life though and think that I ended up getting some hot ass and having a lot of fun while I was young, and I think either everything will be ok or I will die young.
Last night I got so preoccupied with the thought of me dying before 30, and I just sat on that notion for the whole night.
I really dislike myself, and most of my qualities.
I really want to feel love again, even though I shouldn't.
it's amazing how much i cant handle real life.
i get frustrated with my feelings and how i sometimes fall hard and quick, both in and out of love.
i hate not knowing what to say.
I think I'll look back on my life though and think that I ended up getting some hot ass and having a lot of fun while I was young, and I think either everything will be ok or I will die young.
Last night I got so preoccupied with the thought of me dying before 30, and I just sat on that notion for the whole night.
I really dislike myself, and most of my qualities.
I really want to feel love again, even though I shouldn't.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Survey, I'm bored
A
- Available: Taken, unless you want to be my lesbian luvah.
- Age: 20, grr.
- Annoyance: See above. I can't go to any place cool on a Saturday night. Sigh.
- Animal: Cats. But my spirit animal is a hawk.
B
- Beer: PBR, Red Stripe, Blue Moon, Molson.
- Birthday: May 1st.
- Best Friend: Mike, Mary.
- Best feeling in the world: Having a group of completely different people come see you perform and then go out together and they all bond somehow.
- Blind or Deaf: Oh gosh. I debate this question too much. I want to say deaf but I think just hearing my own voice in my head would make me go crazy.
- Best weather: Spring, misting in the morning.
- Been in Love: Yeah.
- Been on stage: Yep.
- Believe in Magic: I like to keep an open mind, but I have my doubts.
- Believe in Santa: Hahaha. Umm... no.
C
- Candy: I like the chocolate variety, especially when peanut butter is involved.
- Color: Red, purple, fuchsia.
- Chocolate/Vanilla: Chocolate with most things, but I prefer vanilla ice cream with hot fudge to chocolate ice cream with hot fudge.
- Chinese/Mexican: Mexican!
- Cake or pie: Pie, except I don't like pumpkin pie much, and I love red velvet cake. Really I'm more of a tiramisu type of girl.
- Continent to visit: Europe, though I've never been.
- Cheese: Meh, not a big fan. I like mozzarella and muenster enough I guess.
D
- Day or Night: Night. Or early morning, like 4-6AM.
- Dance in the rain: My favorite.
E
- Eyes: Dark brown.
- Everyone has: their own self-interest in mind.
- Ever failed a class?: Technically, yes. But never because I can't do the work or understand the material. My first semester of college I just stopped going to classes for no real reason. Dumb move.
F
- Full name: Ashley Nicole Hughes
- First thoughts waking up: What the hell time is it?
- Food: Yes, I like food.
G
- Greatest Fear: Going batshit insane and hearing voices or something. Being a vegetable. Losing loved ones prematurely.
- Goals: To live life fully, take every opportunity worth taking, take risks, do things my own way, not let anyone control me, and to eventually go back to school and finish my degree. Oh and have a lead role in a play, even if it is a shitty one.
- Gum: I freaking hate the sound of people chewing gum.
- Get along with your parents: To an extent.
H
- Hair Color: Black.
- Height: 5'6"-5'7"
- Happy: Trying to be.
- Holiday: New Year's Eve. And I think I'm the only one who I've met who feels that way.
- How do you want to die: in my sleep or in a tragic gruesome pedestrian vs unicycle crash.
I
- Ice Cream: Peanut butter.
- Instrument: I'm more of the groupie type... I played viola in 4th grade and for a month in 5th grade before I quit and cried and made the teacher made because I was the only viola player in the school.
J
- Jewelry: Rings, bitches. Necklaces are cool too. Silver over gold.
- Job: Web editor.
K
- Kids: Are cool.
- Kickboxing or karate: I don't know, I'd do either one. Probably more likely to do kickboxing though because there seems to be more free classes of those.
- Keep a journal: A blog.
L
- Longest Car Ride: I think I went from Maine to Florida once. If not, I definitely went from NY state to Florida.
- Love: Julian Casablancas from the Strokes... mmmm... Oh and my friends, family, and my boyfriend <3
- Letter: F. Or V. Or P. Or A. Or S.
- Laughed so hard you cried: Earlier today, when I was talking such nonsense like the guy from 30 Rock and didn't make sense and then made myself almost pee a little laughing.
M
- Milk flavor: Silk Soy Milk in Coffee flavor!
- Movies: Wes Anderson, Michel Gondry, and really random stuff that most people can't appreciate enough.
- Motion sickness: I freaking hate motion sickness, but I get it too often.
- McD’s or BK: Neither. Taco Bell or Wendy's if I have to.
N
- Number of Siblings: One.
- Number of Piercings: It's complicated.
- Number: 6.
O
- One wish: To travel!
P
- Perfect Pizza: New York pizza with a little extra sauce, maybe some garlic or onions. And artichoke hearts are delicious. Spinach is good too sometimes.
- Pepsi/Coke: Diet coke.
Q
- Quote: "Nowadays most people die of a sort of creeping common sense, and discover when it is too late that the only things one never regrets are one's mistakes."
-Oscar Wilde, "The Picture of Dorian Gray".
R
- Reason to cry: The economy.
- Reality TV: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. That's real, right?
- Radio Station: Oldies. Because I'm a little odd like that.
- Roll your tongue in a circle: WTF does that mean? Like curl my tongue? Yeah I can do that.
- Ring size: I don't remember. I think it was something like 7, give or take a half size?
S
- Song: "Something" by the Beatles. It always changes though.
- Shoe size: 8.5
- Salad Dressing: Balsamic vinaigrette, sometimes French if I'm in that sort of mood.
- Sushi: Vegetarian sushi.
- Skipped school: Uh yeah, I sort of have a problem with attendance.
- Slept outside: In a tent.
- Smoked: Yes.
- Skinny dipped: I don't *think* so... but one can never be too sure of their drunken escapades.
- Sing well: Not really. Apparently I can "This Will Be Our Year" by the Zombies alright.
- In the shower: No, I'm not in the shower at the moment, that would fry my laptop.
- Swear: Yes.
- Strawberries/Blueberries: Both are delicious.
T
- Time for bed: Who the hell knows lately.
- Thunderstorms: My favorite.
U
- Unpredictable: My sleep patterns.
V
- Vacation spot: Road trip cross country this summer via public transportation! And then Hawaii! And Mexico!
W
- Weakness: Musicians.
- Which one of your friends acts the most like you: Not sure. I guess Mike and I probably have the most in common as far as thought processes/behavior/ideas go.
- Who makes you laugh the most: Mike, Meghann, Rob, Brienne, Josh, and my darlin'.
- Worst feeling: Feeling helpless.
- Wanted to be a model: I used to do some freelance modeling, I got pretty into it. I did a commercial for some public TV station in Long Island... crap like that.
- Where do we go when we die: We rock the Casbah.
- Worst Weather: Cold, snowy, icy, windy, or super hot.
X
- X-Rays: Yeah, I've had plenty. I'm a wild woman! Bahahaha.
Y
-Year it is now: 2009
-Yellow: Submarine.
Z
- Zoo animal: Lions, and tigers, and bears, OH MY!
LAST PERSON WHO…
1. Slept in a bed beside you: My cats. Do they count? Abby snuggled with me last night, it was cute. As for human, my mom... I had the scariest nightmare of my life the other night and was shaking and didn't want to sleep alone. Yeah I'm fucking pathetic.
2. You went to the mall with: I seriously have no idea... malls are a bit useless in NYC.
3. You went to dinner with: My darlin', I believe.
4. You talked to on the phone: See above.
5. Made you laugh: See above.
6. Hugged you: See above. Oh no, maybe it was my great grandma or aunt... yeah it probably was.
7. Said they loved you: My darlin'.
8. You kissed: See above.
9. You spoke with: My mom?
10. You cried over: That's a depressing last question.
- Available: Taken, unless you want to be my lesbian luvah.
- Age: 20, grr.
- Annoyance: See above. I can't go to any place cool on a Saturday night. Sigh.
- Animal: Cats. But my spirit animal is a hawk.
B
- Beer: PBR, Red Stripe, Blue Moon, Molson.
- Birthday: May 1st.
- Best Friend: Mike, Mary.
- Best feeling in the world: Having a group of completely different people come see you perform and then go out together and they all bond somehow.
- Blind or Deaf: Oh gosh. I debate this question too much. I want to say deaf but I think just hearing my own voice in my head would make me go crazy.
- Best weather: Spring, misting in the morning.
- Been in Love: Yeah.
- Been on stage: Yep.
- Believe in Magic: I like to keep an open mind, but I have my doubts.
- Believe in Santa: Hahaha. Umm... no.
C
- Candy: I like the chocolate variety, especially when peanut butter is involved.
- Color: Red, purple, fuchsia.
- Chocolate/Vanilla: Chocolate with most things, but I prefer vanilla ice cream with hot fudge to chocolate ice cream with hot fudge.
- Chinese/Mexican: Mexican!
- Cake or pie: Pie, except I don't like pumpkin pie much, and I love red velvet cake. Really I'm more of a tiramisu type of girl.
- Continent to visit: Europe, though I've never been.
- Cheese: Meh, not a big fan. I like mozzarella and muenster enough I guess.
D
- Day or Night: Night. Or early morning, like 4-6AM.
- Dance in the rain: My favorite.
E
- Eyes: Dark brown.
- Everyone has: their own self-interest in mind.
- Ever failed a class?: Technically, yes. But never because I can't do the work or understand the material. My first semester of college I just stopped going to classes for no real reason. Dumb move.
F
- Full name: Ashley Nicole Hughes
- First thoughts waking up: What the hell time is it?
- Food: Yes, I like food.
G
- Greatest Fear: Going batshit insane and hearing voices or something. Being a vegetable. Losing loved ones prematurely.
- Goals: To live life fully, take every opportunity worth taking, take risks, do things my own way, not let anyone control me, and to eventually go back to school and finish my degree. Oh and have a lead role in a play, even if it is a shitty one.
- Gum: I freaking hate the sound of people chewing gum.
- Get along with your parents: To an extent.
H
- Hair Color: Black.
- Height: 5'6"-5'7"
- Happy: Trying to be.
- Holiday: New Year's Eve. And I think I'm the only one who I've met who feels that way.
- How do you want to die: in my sleep or in a tragic gruesome pedestrian vs unicycle crash.
I
- Ice Cream: Peanut butter.
- Instrument: I'm more of the groupie type... I played viola in 4th grade and for a month in 5th grade before I quit and cried and made the teacher made because I was the only viola player in the school.
J
- Jewelry: Rings, bitches. Necklaces are cool too. Silver over gold.
- Job: Web editor.
K
- Kids: Are cool.
- Kickboxing or karate: I don't know, I'd do either one. Probably more likely to do kickboxing though because there seems to be more free classes of those.
- Keep a journal: A blog.
L
- Longest Car Ride: I think I went from Maine to Florida once. If not, I definitely went from NY state to Florida.
- Love: Julian Casablancas from the Strokes... mmmm... Oh and my friends, family, and my boyfriend <3
- Letter: F. Or V. Or P. Or A. Or S.
- Laughed so hard you cried: Earlier today, when I was talking such nonsense like the guy from 30 Rock and didn't make sense and then made myself almost pee a little laughing.
M
- Milk flavor: Silk Soy Milk in Coffee flavor!
- Movies: Wes Anderson, Michel Gondry, and really random stuff that most people can't appreciate enough.
- Motion sickness: I freaking hate motion sickness, but I get it too often.
- McD’s or BK: Neither. Taco Bell or Wendy's if I have to.
N
- Number of Siblings: One.
- Number of Piercings: It's complicated.
- Number: 6.
O
- One wish: To travel!
P
- Perfect Pizza: New York pizza with a little extra sauce, maybe some garlic or onions. And artichoke hearts are delicious. Spinach is good too sometimes.
- Pepsi/Coke: Diet coke.
Q
- Quote: "Nowadays most people die of a sort of creeping common sense, and discover when it is too late that the only things one never regrets are one's mistakes."
-Oscar Wilde, "The Picture of Dorian Gray".
R
- Reason to cry: The economy.
- Reality TV: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. That's real, right?
- Radio Station: Oldies. Because I'm a little odd like that.
- Roll your tongue in a circle: WTF does that mean? Like curl my tongue? Yeah I can do that.
- Ring size: I don't remember. I think it was something like 7, give or take a half size?
S
- Song: "Something" by the Beatles. It always changes though.
- Shoe size: 8.5
- Salad Dressing: Balsamic vinaigrette, sometimes French if I'm in that sort of mood.
- Sushi: Vegetarian sushi.
- Skipped school: Uh yeah, I sort of have a problem with attendance.
- Slept outside: In a tent.
- Smoked: Yes.
- Skinny dipped: I don't *think* so... but one can never be too sure of their drunken escapades.
- Sing well: Not really. Apparently I can "This Will Be Our Year" by the Zombies alright.
- In the shower: No, I'm not in the shower at the moment, that would fry my laptop.
- Swear: Yes.
- Strawberries/Blueberries: Both are delicious.
T
- Time for bed: Who the hell knows lately.
- Thunderstorms: My favorite.
U
- Unpredictable: My sleep patterns.
V
- Vacation spot: Road trip cross country this summer via public transportation! And then Hawaii! And Mexico!
W
- Weakness: Musicians.
- Which one of your friends acts the most like you: Not sure. I guess Mike and I probably have the most in common as far as thought processes/behavior/ideas go.
- Who makes you laugh the most: Mike, Meghann, Rob, Brienne, Josh, and my darlin'.
- Worst feeling: Feeling helpless.
- Wanted to be a model: I used to do some freelance modeling, I got pretty into it. I did a commercial for some public TV station in Long Island... crap like that.
- Where do we go when we die: We rock the Casbah.
- Worst Weather: Cold, snowy, icy, windy, or super hot.
X
- X-Rays: Yeah, I've had plenty. I'm a wild woman! Bahahaha.
Y
-Year it is now: 2009
-Yellow: Submarine.
Z
- Zoo animal: Lions, and tigers, and bears, OH MY!
LAST PERSON WHO…
1. Slept in a bed beside you: My cats. Do they count? Abby snuggled with me last night, it was cute. As for human, my mom... I had the scariest nightmare of my life the other night and was shaking and didn't want to sleep alone. Yeah I'm fucking pathetic.
2. You went to the mall with: I seriously have no idea... malls are a bit useless in NYC.
3. You went to dinner with: My darlin', I believe.
4. You talked to on the phone: See above.
5. Made you laugh: See above.
6. Hugged you: See above. Oh no, maybe it was my great grandma or aunt... yeah it probably was.
7. Said they loved you: My darlin'.
8. You kissed: See above.
9. You spoke with: My mom?
10. You cried over: That's a depressing last question.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Nightmares
Last night I slept in my Mom's bed. I had the worst nightmare in recent memory. Explaining it doesn't get across exactly how freakin scary it was, but I will explain anyway.
So it started out where I was in NYC and had to buy a shop vac and I was having a hard time finding one. So this weird guy told me I should go to this store and get one or something, I dunno, he gave me directions. So then I find it, and it's just a random shop vac on a subway platform that is very crowded. I picked it up to get ready to carry it on the subway and then realized the subway was going to be too crowded for it. I fumbled it and people starred at me. Then I noticed none of the signs were in English... neither were conversations. Then the subway came but it was like totally different from NYC subways, and I was like ok where the hell am I? I ended up realizing I was in Poland. So then I called up someone, I think Lenora actually, and was like heyyy how the hell do I get back to NYC from here? And she was like nooo you should go to Russia, it is really cool and they have tons of shop vacs there, and bicycles. And I insisted no, I don't want to go to Russia, I want to go back to NYC. She said I could make it if I ran, but before it got dark because it was unsafe at night. I started running but the sun was setting fast. There was a black cat in the road that hissed at me and crossed my path. I was running but it got dark and I started crying and hearing growling and I was barefoot and ran over broken glass and got it in my feet. Then suddenly I was coming out of the subway, and it was a sunny NYC day, and I was trying to get to the place I lived with Nathan in Richmond Hill, but the area looked like Bushwick. There was a square/park area where the subway let off and there was an art exhibition and the artist made sculptures out of rat heads (I'm phobic of rats and mice). I screamed, kids were playing with the heads. I tried running but my feet still hurt from the glass. I made it to Nathan's apartment, and this weird dude was there and smoked me up, and then I started having sex with this weird dude, and then these old people came in and were like um, we live here now, who the hell are you? And I ran out. Then I was in my bedroom in Warren, CT and I felt really drugged up and there were FBI vans outside and I got really freaked out and started hearing weird noises. I swore I was awake, woulda bet money on it. So I picked up my phone to call my mom and tell her to come in my room and come get me because I wanted to sleep in her room but I was so disoriented that I kept dialing the wrong number, and every number ended up being this voice that sounded like Chris's but it was fucked up and said satanic shit like "you are awake, and now your nightmares are real" and heavy breathing and shit. I started screaming and crying and then I woke up with a jolt and ran my ass to my mom's room to sleep in there. For some reason it really scared me, it seemed really real and just... I don't know. I really want to ask a dream interpreter what it all means, because for some reason it felt like the most intense and profound dream I've had to date.
So it started out where I was in NYC and had to buy a shop vac and I was having a hard time finding one. So this weird guy told me I should go to this store and get one or something, I dunno, he gave me directions. So then I find it, and it's just a random shop vac on a subway platform that is very crowded. I picked it up to get ready to carry it on the subway and then realized the subway was going to be too crowded for it. I fumbled it and people starred at me. Then I noticed none of the signs were in English... neither were conversations. Then the subway came but it was like totally different from NYC subways, and I was like ok where the hell am I? I ended up realizing I was in Poland. So then I called up someone, I think Lenora actually, and was like heyyy how the hell do I get back to NYC from here? And she was like nooo you should go to Russia, it is really cool and they have tons of shop vacs there, and bicycles. And I insisted no, I don't want to go to Russia, I want to go back to NYC. She said I could make it if I ran, but before it got dark because it was unsafe at night. I started running but the sun was setting fast. There was a black cat in the road that hissed at me and crossed my path. I was running but it got dark and I started crying and hearing growling and I was barefoot and ran over broken glass and got it in my feet. Then suddenly I was coming out of the subway, and it was a sunny NYC day, and I was trying to get to the place I lived with Nathan in Richmond Hill, but the area looked like Bushwick. There was a square/park area where the subway let off and there was an art exhibition and the artist made sculptures out of rat heads (I'm phobic of rats and mice). I screamed, kids were playing with the heads. I tried running but my feet still hurt from the glass. I made it to Nathan's apartment, and this weird dude was there and smoked me up, and then I started having sex with this weird dude, and then these old people came in and were like um, we live here now, who the hell are you? And I ran out. Then I was in my bedroom in Warren, CT and I felt really drugged up and there were FBI vans outside and I got really freaked out and started hearing weird noises. I swore I was awake, woulda bet money on it. So I picked up my phone to call my mom and tell her to come in my room and come get me because I wanted to sleep in her room but I was so disoriented that I kept dialing the wrong number, and every number ended up being this voice that sounded like Chris's but it was fucked up and said satanic shit like "you are awake, and now your nightmares are real" and heavy breathing and shit. I started screaming and crying and then I woke up with a jolt and ran my ass to my mom's room to sleep in there. For some reason it really scared me, it seemed really real and just... I don't know. I really want to ask a dream interpreter what it all means, because for some reason it felt like the most intense and profound dream I've had to date.
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