So...

So I'm single, for the first time really since age 16. I didn't eat at all for like two days, but today I went out and bought my share of comfort food, though I could only manage to eat half a small box of Oreos. Shame on me.
I have to start packing after this. I'm moving out of here and to my Mom's place in Warren, CT for a month or so to save up money to buy a bitchin' place in Bushwick/Williamsburg/Greenpoint or Astoria/Long Island City. Nathan is helping me move my stuff Thursday, and then I'm coming back with him, living in awkwardness (but better than living alone in my mom's big house), having a potluck party Saturday with him, then leaving Sunday morning when my mom flies back from Florida.
So. Much. Happened.
Why is my mom flying back from Florida? Well, my grandmother died. This happened the day before la breakup. Happy times.
I did, however, call up Christopher the day after the breakup. I'm meeting him tomorrow for drinks in Manhattan. He seemed really happy to hear from me, and I apologized for everything. Don't worry, friends, I am not going to do anything crazy... I want to be single for awhile and get my shit together. But talking to Chris... it was wonderful. I forgot how he has the ability to understand everything about me and make me laugh even during the darkest times. In a way, it is good that we broke up, because he sounds so much better. I really think he's grown into a wonderful person, and I hope to have a friendship with him.
I also hope to have a friendship with Nathan. That may take awhile. Shit is a little awkward here, but maybe only because I'm not used to breakups without a lot of drama, so the silence gets to me. I'm quite an awkward person, so the silence makes me so nervous that I randomly say weird stupid shit and laugh a lot, and get silence as a response... it's awful.
I am beginning to realize that Nathan and I were not very good together in a lot of ways. It's important to love somebody for who they are, and I was not loved for that. I tried to change, but it didn't really work. While there are certain things about me lately that I must change, and will change (such as laziness), there were too many things he didn't understand about me.
I'm going to be single for awhile and get rid of my baggage.
But here's an outline of who I'd like to be with someday:
-Somebody who loves me for who I am, and doesn't get overly bothered by my flaws.
-Somebody who wants to take me out on the town and show me cool stuff.
-Somebody whose "us" time can consist of a romantic at-home movie or a crazy party.
-Somebody who encouraged me to work and pursue my dreams (Nathan was very good at this, but it didn't work for some reason).
-Somebody who doesn't make me feel like a failure.
-Somebody who is confident being on their own and doesn't need me.
-Somebody who is not angry or violent.
-Somebody shy and quiet and artistic and introspective. Somebody that I can talk to like the last minute of Scrubs and have realizations and it would be interesting, not stressful.
-Somebody who understands me.
-Somebody who wants exactly as much space as I want.
-Somebody really cuddly. Hehe.
-Somebody that can challenge me artistically and be interested in both the academic snooty stuff and the crazy vagina sculptures.

Another thing...
I am wondering about my sexual orientation. I don't have any experiences with the same sex, so I can't say I'm bi or lesbian. I do like guys, but I am far more attracted to girls. For instance, I can't really get off by myself without thinking about girls. And I think having a relationship with a girl and cuddling and stuff sounds so fun. I'm just not sure if I'd like the sex part. I don't know if I'd feel fulfilled. It's worth a try, though.